Here it is!

This week's dumbass!

This woman was pulled over while breastfeeding her baby. The thing is...she was DRIVING!!

EYE HALVE A SPELLING CHEQUER!

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Sauce unknown (but courtesy of MBM & GG)

Good Bye, Mr Finch.

I just read where Gregory Peck died at the age of 87. Best know for his role as Atticus Finch in Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird. For that role he was recently crowned The American Film Institute's #1 Film Hero for the last 100 years. My thought and prayers are with his family and friends. Rest In Peace.

My friend Mary became a citizen of The United States of America yesterday. She has lived here in the states for 20 some odd years, and decided to take the plunge. Also, with all the crap going on with the Sept. 11 paranoia, she was scared that she could possibly be kicked out. Eventhough she has been a business owning taxpayer for the last 20 years.

I know I have ranted about the administration many times. I did in the previous paragraph, but ,eventhough I despise this administration, I love this country. To see the joy of someone who has just gone through the citizenship process is what made me realize how much I do care about this country.

That is why I rant, and write letters to my congress people. That is why I go to the anti-war rallies. That is why i get into debates with people. This Nation was founded on those liberties, and that is what i cherish.

I don't know where I am or was going with this blog. I just felt like saying something.

Peace

Did you Know

That in Chicago these are some of the laws:

** Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
** It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
** Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
** Spitting is forbidden
** In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
** It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

And My Personal Favorite
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.

from DumbLaws.com

Peace

TORTURE

Torture!

I had a staggering urge today.
My sense of touch is like a siren.
One more day of dying, and it's...

Torture!
Not to touch her.

From toes to finger tips,
I can't survive the sight of lips.
One more day of trying!

Crested waves on summer days are crashing in her curls.
Nectar-scented laughter from a mouth that's made of pearls.
Exuberance is beauty, but sometimes beauty can kill,
Like now...

Torture!
Not to touch her.

Torture!
It hurts all over!

--oh my god

Listen to a clip of the song here!

For you know who!

A New Segment

I have decided to add a new weekly feature to my blog...

THE DUMBASS OF THE WEEK

Here is this week's.

A man running late for his plane calls in a bomb threat.

You Pencil Neck Geek

Rest in Peace, Classy Freddie Blassie. Mr. Blassie had been gravely ill for the past couple of weeks, and passed away last night. His autobiography just came out, and I intend to get it soon. A true legend. God Bless you.

I got 'em!

I got my hemp clogs. They are so nice...comfy, and 100% recycleable (sp). Since they are all stitched, no glue or rubber, and 100% hemp, I can compost them or send them to a paper factory when they are worn out. Also ... made in China ... at fair trade...how about that!

Peace

Congrats Cliff

I stole this from Cliff's Site...this is cool stuff:

This is way cool. Anna's pregnancy update sez:

Your baby's lungs and digestive tract are almost fully developed. And while your baby may soon grow more slowly in length, he will continue to put on the pounds.

This week your baby continues to open and shut his eyes. He can probably see what's going on in utero, distinguish light from dark, and even track a light source. If you shine a light on a your belly, your baby may move his head to follow the light or even reach out to touch the moving glow. Some researchers think baring your belly to light stimulates visual development. But don't expect 20/20 vision when your baby is born ó newborns can see a distance of only about 8 to 12 inches. (Children with normal vision, don't reach 20/20 vision until about age seven to nine.) And to complete the picture, new eyebrows and eyelashes now frame your little one's peepers.

A pint and a half of amniotic fluid now surrounds your baby, but that volume decreases as he gets bigger and has less room in your uterus. As you and the baby continue to grow, don't be alarmed if you feel breathless, as if you can't get enough air; it's just your uterus pressing against your diaphragm. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though. Usually about two to four weeks before labor (or during labor, if this is your second or third pregnancy), your baby's head will drop into your pelvis ó to get ready for delivery ó and that will make breathing and eating a lot easier.

Good News!!

My friend Mary, the owner of Pat Harran's Pub, will be taking her oath of citizenship on June 10, 2003. Even if you do not know her, feel free to join the celebration later that afternoon at Pat Harran's on the corner of State and Illinois...the one with the green awning. Just south of Snickers.

Slainte...or should I say Cheers, Mary.

Why Can't I Buy A Canadian?

I just received this email. I think it is very appropiate to the whole conversation going on between Cliff and Tripp...let me know what you think.

I found the web version...here. The verses mentioned are on that site too.

For those of you that are not following the recent controversy that has to do with Laura Schlessinger: she is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Paramount Television Group is currently producing a "Dr. Laura" television show. Recently she has become a convert to Judaism, and now she is Ba'al T'shuvah. Recently, she has made some statements about homosexuals that has caused the Canadian anti-hate laws to censure her... The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the internet...

An Open Letter to Dr. Laura
J. Kent Ashcraft
May 2000

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

The Economy, Stupid

What does it say about President Bush's Tax Plan when one of the nation's wealthiest people says it is bunk?

Basically, Warren Buffett says that the dividend tax cut is nothing more than "Enron Style Accounting." The article at money.cnn.com states the following:

Buffett posed a hypothetical situation in which Berkshire Hathaway, which does not currently pay a dividend, paid $1 billion in dividends next year.

Through his 31 percent ownership of the company, Buffett said he would receive an additional $310 million in income that would reduce his tax rate from about 30 percent to 3 percent, while his office secretary would still have a tax rate of about 30 percent.

"The 3 percent overall federal tax rate I would pay -- if a Berkshire dividend were to be tax free -- seems a bit light," Buffett wrote.

...He closed the piece by saying that the "government can't deliver a free lunch to the country as a whole. It can, however, determine who pays for lunch. And last week the Senate handed the bill to the wrong party."

Makes you wonder who our fearless leaders are really thinking about.

Peace

Let's Go

Tripp...this should be your first pastorate.

So, Mr. Thomas. That was his name. Eugene Thomas. Age 67. Recently retired. Postman. Widowed. Neighbor, father, almost Grandfather. Soon to be. Of African and Asian descent. A child of the boom. A survivor and a soldier. 6 feet 2 inches. Hair: short and beginning to grey. Temples and sideburns. Renting the top floor of his house to a vagrant rehabbing junkieÖdrunk. Me.

April 2002.
Things are not all that right here and now. I have a vice grip around my neck. Icepicks in my eyes. And that bug I was talking aboutÖwell it caused me to have this broken nose. Every time I swallow the salty sting of blood trickles down my throat. My throat is raw. Ill. I need some food, but if I do I will just loose it and destroy my throat evenmoreÖso screw it.

My day consisted of walking through the streets of this fair city. Depending on the kindness of strangers. Do you know what that is like? I donít think so. Vincent hasnít eaten in 3 days. And this is not his fault. He came back from a war ñ what 11 years ago. He just ainít been right since then. Half of his foot is gone and he sees things that donít no-one else see. (OK I seen some of the stuff, but I think that was the smack). He had a wife but she left. Donít know if heís got kids or not. Donít care. I got enough to worry about. Vincent sits on the corner of Washington and Dearborn. Till the cops make him move then he goes over to State and Jackson. Well because he donít have sense enough to ask for help. He just sits there. He donít get much help from anyone. Just stares and walk arounds. The princesses on their cell phones hoping into the cabs. Their cares are for the next dollar they are going to spendÖwell when you donít got a buckÖ

Me? Shit. I get by. Not as poorly as Vincent. I work those same areas. Just a little different. You see, I can get 15 maybe 20 bucks for one of those cell phones. 50 or so for a nice leather bag. Now though I just been to sick to go out. Been shaking a lot. I quit the shit a month ago and this is almost as bad as that.

Piss off.

uh. uh. uh.

s-hisssss.

eerrraahh.

fffffff.

Feel it coming on. The darkness is engulfing my throbbing head. The crystal of my veins is raking through my gut. My bowels jump with ever breath. I feel my spine falling, slinking. Breath. Breath. Never/Always. The eternal continuum of need. Desire. Necessity. Breath. Breath. Never/Always. Continue.

A week ago Thursday I saw a man die. Nothing too traumatic. Simple. 1 bullet thought the upper left quadrant of his chest. Very little blood. Until they opened him up. Everything that you would expect to be coming out of a man with a gunshot wound was there inside him. Apparently his heart exploded. What is that like? To know that the breath I am taking is my last. What does a person on the table of legalized murder think know that this is her last breath?

Pain and sufferingÖthat is life.

Crying/Laughing. One in the same.

Can you feel the person next to you? Can you breath their breath? Does your blood flow through the same veins? Is your sister there? Brother? Comrade? Amigo? Freund?

Can the man who died be of any use to me? Maybe. The bullet was intended for my head. You see I have this problemÖthis thing that grows inside of me. Possibly a bug. Who know? It makes me say thingsÖthings that people donít want to hear. Thing that could get Ö have gotten me arrested. Things that piss people off. That is what happened. The boy. I told him what I thought and he popped a capÖhis aim sucked. Instead of my head he hit the old man on the porch. The man whose life was in the twilight. The saviour. Savory saviour. Tasty.

So yeah, I went with him to the hospital. The morgue. The funeral parlor. The grave. This man. This saviour. This man who took my bullet.

feel it

uh uh uh

please don't call a shrink. this is a work of fiction.

New Blogs!!!

Meggo Mae has just joined is in the blog-o-veres.

And so has Leo the Lion.

Very Important

Here are 2 very important blogs:

Mr. President

Mr. Vice President

Another One Gone

Not to long ago I wrote of the death of "Mr. Prefect" Kurt Henning. Well, professionaly wrestling is full of tragedies. Any male who grew up during the 1980's more than likely know of the lovely Miss Elizabeth. She was one of my first crushes growing up...and the same to many boys of the 1980's. But women looked to her as well. Miss Elizabeth brought a touch of class to the chaotic world of the ring. Her honor was at stake. The Guinevere for the fueding Arthur and Lancelot. As of right now the details of her passing are unknown. She was only 42. God bless her family and friends. You will be missed, First Lady of the Ring. Godspeed.

Hey Bubba

Josh just forwarded this to me.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."

"Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said. " Tonto Steinburg. But my friends call me Bubba."